As Christians, we are called to love, forgive, and be kind to one another. However, it’s often remarked upon (even by ourselves) that we can fall short in these endeavors. While there may never be an end to the human capacity for growth, there is something about our sinful natures and self-righteous hearts that can sabotage even the best of intentions when it comes to being kind. There are a few key reasons as to why we can be particularly unskillful in this department, and, with proper recognition of the issues, we can work towards rectifying them.

Pride and Self-Righteousness

It may seem paradoxical to suggest pride as part of the problem when it’s often a matter of Christian identity to shun pride, but, ironically, this very ideal of dismissing “self” can lead to self-promoting behavior. In other words, we believe that having eradicated our own shortcomings we have earned the right to sit in judgment over others. This feeling of superiority results in us “correcting” rather than listening to or understanding those who hold different perspectives, whether within or outside the church, which doesn’t exactly foster a climate of kindness.

Additionally, we can become so zealous to fulfill what we perceive to be God's will in standing against vice or error, that we forget the principles of love and gentleness. The drive to appear devout sometimes has the effect of prioritizing the righteous perspective over the person being interacted with, thus putting our self-righteous image before their wellbeing.

Lack of Empathy

The ability to empathize is foundational to effective communication and relating to people. We can struggle with understanding people’s experiences because we do not or cannot face similar difficulties or hardships firsthand. Especially in a religious context, there is a risk of falling into the trap of making generalizations based on superficial beliefs or assumptions while failing to recognize or consider each individual’s unique circumstances, pain, and background.

Christians are not exempt from this predicament. The dissonance between an idealized view of faith and the reality of suffering and everyday challenges can create the illusion that we are somehow better off than others, leading to a lack of empathy. When we distance ourselves from the genuine human struggles around us, we’re likely to become less sensitive to the need for kindness and compassion.

The Grass Is Always Greener Mindset

This thought pattern maintains that one’s own circumstances are more difficult than those of others, creating a competitive mentality. While we are all trying to follow the path laid out for us by God, the grass-is-always-greener mindset prevents some from appreciating the individual nature of our journeys—as well as the character-building opportunities they provide. It could even blind us to the very real difficulties our brothers and sisters may be facing, eclipsing their immediate need for kindness and compassion.

To avoid falling victim to this mindset, we should remember the words of St. Teresa of Avila, "Nothing in this life is a joke - except the ego." When we fully acknowledge our reliance on God, our vanities, and weaknesses begin to recede. Of course, they will never completely disappear, but humility can help keep us honest about our foibles and enable us to recognize the need for patience and understanding as we walk together through the valley of the shadow of life.

We can’t ntirely eradicate our propensity for pride or the capacity to misunderstand others, nor can we banish pain or prevent ill-perceptions. However, recognizing and addressing these inherent impediments to being kind, remaining attentive to our spiritual growth and close fellowship with Christ, and cultivating patience and grace with one another will go a long way towards aligning our daily lives with his command to “love one another.” (Jn.13:34)

We must not shirk the responsibility to strive for growth – both individually and collectively - nor should we neglect the vital importance of practicing kindness in its purest form; not as an outcome of perfection, but despite human failings, as an integral expression of God’s love radiating through our lives.

Questions & Answers

© 2020 Stephanie Doumbre

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